Finnick's last letter
by Crystabel.Shalott
Summary: Finnick writes, in a moment of solitude, one last letter to Annie. A list of his feelings and some hints for her.


**Author's note: **Future extract from my story 'Odesta - a romance' without Annie's thoughts about it. Enjoy, and let me know. (Ygritte is Annie's sister-in-law, Beth and Jo refer to 'Little Women')

**Disclaimer: **I don't own 'The Hunger Games', they belong to Suzanne Collins

Finnick's last Letter:

_My Love,_

_So many things to say in such a short time: you will be back any minute now and I still haven't put together my thoughts to write them down in a linear way. I will start telling how much I love you, because I never get tired of repeating it (you will have a proof of it reading the letter) and we don't have much more time together to say it. So here it is: I love you Annie Odair. I would have never thought possible that I would fall in love with someone: the risk of hurting them was too high. But we can't control this things, can we? And this was a good and a bad thing together. Bad because one wrong step and we had to pay for it, and good because we kept us together. So here I am, after five years since I first met you, still bursting with love. Therefore I remind you that what I said before the Quarter Quell is still true: you have my heart for all eternity, should I die my last thoughts will be of your lips. _

_I'm not going to lie, saying that our was love at first sight because we both know it's not true. We had prejudices against each other: I thought you weak and you thought me cocky and arrogant. We are equals in it, we both couldn't have been more wrong and we both realized it pretty soon. We became friends and begun to get along pretty well. Annie, we were so similar. No! Stop! I know that probably you are rolling your eyes and say 'That's not true' but it is. Trust me, it is: otherwise you wouldn't have seen my sadness. You saw it because you knew how it was. So our love may not have been at first sight but the important thing was that we fell in love and lived our very own romance. Sometimes I think what would have happened if we admitted it earlier and had not waited for Ygritte's hint: probably nothing, because we both were scared to face it. Am I right? Imagine us, five years later, still acting as friends but both wanting more. I would never have found the courage to declare myself: first because I was not sure that you actually felt the same way and second I was quite ashamed of myself. So that day, which became one of the best days of my life (along with us dancing in the moonlight, our marriage, our first time and so on), when you came running to my house admitting your feelings I panicked. My mind went blank for the shock, and probably I looked as if someone hit me in the face. I was happy but I replied 'I can't' because the Finnick you knew was not the complete image: I thought that you would have been scared away by what I was forced to do in the Capitol. A few minutes later I realized how stupid I have been, I did not even give you a chance! I send you away even if I couldn't imagine life without you: your radiant smiles, your eyes, your qualities, everything. So I forced myself to risk everything and tell you the truth, and it was the best choice I ever made. _

_Let me say this, before I continue: thank god for Ygritte. Really we owe her so much, her and her science of deduction! Because in the end it was thanks to her that we went together._

_Loving you, Annie Odair, was the best thing of my life: you made me a better person and kept me from breaking down completely. Sometimes it was only heartache without end. Not that I regret it, but it was painful having to go to the Capitol doing things one is supposed to do only with someone special. I tried to let the thought of you out of it, but I couldn't. It felt like cheating and at the same time I wondered if I had the courage, one day, to take our relationship to a new level. I really wanted it but I was scared. Then you took the initiative! Shy Annie Cresta proposed to go to bed together! What a scandal... Just kidding my love. We both wanted it, you just spoke out first. It was special and we left aside all the bad memories. After it you thanked me, trust me when I say there was no need to. Probably you thought it the right thing to say, because until that evening I never had a choice. Really Annie you shouldn't have Thanked me, I should have done it: because for the first time I actually "felt something" (as says Melchior Gabor to Wendla) which wasn't disgust or anger. It felt right, wonderful and had really nothing to do with what I was used to. I never believed that one day I could have sex and see it under a new angle, Thanks for proving me wrong. I laughed when you quoted 'Spring Awakening'. I mean, really? We just made love and you came out with that quote? From that play? A tragedy for such a beautiful moment? But it fitted. Annie, my love, I really like the fact that you quoted that play as if it was a source of wisdom. I guess it was, in its own way. _

_Oh Annie! It was true what you said: you had a sweetheart on his knees, faithful and adoring, and he touched you and you let him love you. So let that be your story! Forget about what they all think of you, forget the Capitol's torture, forget people grumble: think of yourself as I did, beautiful, strong, witty. _

_But let's go on, shall we? You always said that I kept you sane. My love, you were wrong: between us two you were the strongest. I felt lost without you not only when the Capitol took you after Katniss destroyed the arena. It started before when we were only friends and I found you in your room unable to breathe and subjected to seizures. Even before we returned home I needed you to get out of that arena alive: not only for your brother but also for me, I liked being my old self again. If Mags was still with us she could confirm that when you stopped opening the parachutes I nearly went mad myself: I glued myself to the chair in the mentor's room she had to drag me out of there. You are surely smiling at this, because is it just as when I told you that she hit me. When I was already here in thirteen I dragged myself out of nightmares finding no relief in waking: you were not there and who knew what they were doing to you. When they told me you were rescued I was paralyzed because what if it was only a dream? It was all true and when I saw you, running towards me with only a blanket to cover you, before we collided in to each others arms , everything seemed to be at the right place again: us two. Annie and Finnick, exactly as it was supposed to be. _

_And then we married. Annie Cresta my wife! You were beautiful and radiant when you walked towards me, in your emerald green dress that matched your eyes, and your gentle locks falling softly on your shoulders. My heart nearly stopped, but then again it often happened when I looked at you. I am only sorry that if you are reading this it means that I am dead. We have been married officially only for a few months but it was just a piece of paper. We lived as husband and wife for a long time, nothing changed except your surname: Annie Odair. I could never get tired of repeating it, it sounds perfect._

_I love you so much, you were an extraordinary person, thank you for choosing me. I loved the fact that you laughed when you read something funny or cried for what happened in a book. I loved the way the sun captured golden strains in your hair, your smiles when you woke up... I loved everything about you that making a list of all of them would take too much time and unfortunately I haven't much. _

_I love you Annie Odair, I will never get tired of saying it. As I said before if you are reading this letter the worst has happened, I hope you will forgive me for not coming back. I am so sorry that I went to that mission, I am sorry for not coming back and I am sorry if I ruined all our true plans. But it was for the hope, for the new life. Something beautiful we were not given: a new chance._

_Please Annie, promise me this: don't slip away. I already see you bent in grief, crumbling. Don't do it and remember that if you are walking through hell you don't have to stop just, keep walking. Annie, live a happy life it will be hard but you can do it. I trust you and believe in you. Do it for me._

_One last thing: there are a lots of note books full of poetry at my house. Read them, most of them are about us anyway. Read them while you eat sugar cubes, it will be just so perfect. I know what you are going to say "Sugar cubes are given to horses!" but who cares right? Life is short If you see something sweet you better grab it._

_A thought occurred just now, there may be the chance of you being pregnant and I dare say the chances are high with all the time we have spent in bed recently. After all who could stay focused when he has such a vision in front of him (Of course I mean you and not me!)? Certainly not me! Don't roll your eyes. My love, if you are pregnant and I won't be there sometimes tell him/her stories about his/her dad. Right now I am crying even more than before, and in a matter of minutes you will come in and see me like this. I will most certainly lie to you, you will read the letter only if I die and talking about it would only worry you more. And I don't want to. By the way I am planning to take you to bed, when you come back: just as the old days cuddling. No wait! I am on my way to a possible death, couldn't we just do some physical exercise? I can be very persuasive, but you should know that after five years._

_I love you so much, thank you for having changed my life in something better._

_Your husband_

_Finnick_

_P.S.: Right... I was not able to write it in a more linear way. By the way I still prefer Beth over Jo!_


End file.
